Why Am I Doing This?

What is my goal? Why am I doing Dream?

My Arabic background goes back a long way, to high school. 5 years of it, in set 3. Ustaadh Akram. I still remember. I don’t remember anything of all those 5 years except the muzhakkar muthanna. I didn’t know WHY I was learning Arabic, other than it was an Islamic boarding school and you have to learn it. No Quranic understanding was attached to it.

Fast forward years later, maybe a decade or so later, there I was in Al Huda. Of course, to understand Quran, you have to have some kind of grammar. I couldn’t avoid it. We did some grammar, I studied, but it wasn’t a regular subject, so …

After AlHuda, I did pick up the textbook and actually studied it. But I didn’t know how to apply it to the Quran. Then I did Arabic with Husna with the kids. Subhanallah…I knew how to apply it to the Quran! And because I was also memorizing, and having trouble with mutashaabihaat ayaat, and needed a memory market to anchor certain parts of the Quran, especially those ending with Allah’s attributes, I started scrutinizing those ayaat in terms of grammar, and I think some kind of balaaghah that I generally scraped up from Ust Nouman’s lectures. I kind of made my own balaaghah (need to check if it’s even legit or permissible to do this) just so I would remember why sami3ul aleem goes over here and ghaniyun haleem goes over there.

I’ve been wondering why in some parts of the Quran it’s min qablu and some it’s min qabli. Because if min is harf jarr, it should be min qabli, so why min qablu? It was a problem with my hifdh, that’s the only reason I noticed it. Amazing how different aspects of studying the Quran lead you to really slow down, scrutinize, and ponder. Subhanalah subhanallah.

I got the answer last week in class! SUBHANALLAH! So far, I’m doing okay with the material covered, and so, what really occupied me are these little wow moments of finding out why the stuff in the Quran is as such, especially those parts I had memorized. Awesome awesome!!! It’s like, CLICK! Aonther Click! Your jaw drops to the ground and your eyes widen, and you go…Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

I think my mushaf will be falling apart sooner than I expect. It’s already taped like crazy and I haven’t even memorized half of it yet, and it’s the old Madinan copy, and I refuse to use any other copy! I hope it lasts till I die. It has all my made up balaghaah and tajweed notes and phrases highlights in there.

Anyway, why am I doing this? I think, now that I think of it, it’s because I kept saying out loud,

“I need to learn Arabic.”

“I really need to learn Arabic.”

I was getting frustrated with missing out on the translation not just of the Quran but any other thing Arabic that is a source of ilm in Islamic sciences.

So, since I voice out my thoughts to hubby, he put the dots together and crafted an ingenious game plan for our D Chapter.

Easy right? Juli apply for Bayyinah.

If she gets it then

…..she goes to Dallas with the kids


we figure it out

Loop. [I think this is the only thing I have left of any Computer Science knowledge from my undergrad years..shame on you Juli]

So, he urged me to apply. I asked him,

“So If I get it, we’ll ALL move to Dallas regardless of whether you get a job or not?”

He nodded. I asked again. He nodded.

Long story short, I got it, but he changed his mind. Told me to go first with the kids and longer story short, I was tested for those few months.

Well, our whole family was tested.

But, Allah doesn’t disappoint, things worked out alhamdulillah and I have to say it’s a miracle. Not the first one in our lives, but it just goes to show that Allah puts you in certain situations based on His wisdom and knowledge. Subhanallah.

So here we are. And what I had asked for, Allah has given me. Arafah dua. Ya Rabb, I miss hajj days. I didn’t ask for Dream though. A sister told me, and this stuck in my head for the way she put it.

“Allah has given you what is best for your family.”

Subhanallah…sometimes you ask for something. You may not necessarily get what you’re asking for, because you’re too short sighted to know what it is you should be asking for sometimes, well, at least for me. But you get something better.

I always imagined the kids doing Dream, because to be frank, it’s geared more for single people/people without kids. Not to say that moms and dads can’t do it, but, it’s a tougher juggle for parents. In my case, I have 3 teens and one 7 year old. My challenges are diffeernt from those with all older chidlren or all younger children. My brain is already split into two in raising them; mental energy for the older ones and now both mental and physical for the younger one. And then, there is studying. I love studying though, so it’s not that big of a deal. I just need to find my own flow. In sha Allah it should come.

May Allah make this journey easy as He had made the 4 years of Al Huda journey easy for me. Ameen.

Seriously, we don’t realize how blessed we are when we focus on our problems. When we focus on what are wrong in our lives, we overlook what’s going right for us.

Alhamdulillah, there are so many things going right. The ‘wrong’ things are just challenges, and hiccups, some are maybe longer hiccups, but they’re for our own good. No pain no gain, eh.

I am doing Dream as part of my Quran journey. An immediate sub goal of this is to enhance my hifdh journey, and a long term goal is to further my deen study. Beyond that, I can’t really see much, not because there aren’t more, but because of my little knowledge. So I will leave other than that to Allah. I ask that Allah put barakah in it, and give me something much better than I can ever ask for or imagine. It was like doing Al Huda. I did it because I needed to learn the Quran. What happened after AlHuda, I could never have known before hand to ask for. So, I will leave it to Allah, and just focus on this foundation of Islamic studies. Since I’m already almost ancient, my goal is not to get a degree or anything. I’d love to teach, as it’s the zakaah or learning ilm, but it’s mostly for my own relationship with Allah. And may He always help me check my intentions and renew them. Ameen!!!!

3 thoughts on “Why Am I Doing This?

  1. Assalamu Alaikum Sister Juli,

    I am doing Bayyinah’s access online program . I was wondering if you could let me know what the answer to the min qablu/min qabli mystery is. We covered it very quickly with Ustadha Fuseina in class today but since you’ve mentioned it in your blog, I thought I could pick your brains for a detailed answer.


    • waalaikumsalam Sr Mona,

      I’m sorry I just saw this. min qabli will usually require a mudhaaf ilayh to come after it, as qabli is a special mudhaf. and it’s majroor because of the harf of jarr ‘min’. But with min qablu, with that dhammah as its ending harakah, it doesn’t have a mudhaaf coming after it. This is well understood by the arabs as to what it means but not as obvious to us. Min qablu means :from way before….” it’s open ended, as opposed to min qabli al yaumi = before today. or for that matter, before any other time ,which is specified. But min qablu since no mudhaaf ilayh is coming after qablu, it’s open ended, so the meaning is “from way before…”
      for example if you notice in the Quran whenever it has min qablu or min ba3du, it has the meaning of “from way before..and “way after”
      an example : surah al baqarah :
      نَزَّلَ عَلَيْكَ الْكِتَابَ بِالْحَقِّ مُصَدِّقًا لِّمَا بَيْنَ يَدَيْهِ وَأَنزَلَ التَّوْرَ‌اةَ وَالْإِنجِيلَ ﴿٣﴾ مِن قَبْلُ هُدًى لِّلنَّاسِ وَأَنزَلَ الْفُرْ‌قَانَ ۗ
      We sent down especially upon you the book with truth confirming what is in front / with you and We sent down the taurah and the injeel, from waaaay before, as guidance for mankind and we set down the one that distinguishes.
      so here, from waaay before, it doesn’y specify before what exactly, but it just means from way before, we had sent down the taurah and injeel. Hope that’s clear in sha Allah 🙂

      • As-salamu alaykum, Juli. Subhan Allah I saw myself so much in your story, especially the Arafah mention. AlHuda and Bayyinah have been such a huge part of my own journey as well, bi idhnillah. It was on the day of Arafah, at Arafah, in 2014, that I decided the time and place merited a more powerful supplication than the standard “O Allah enable me to learn the language of the Quran” du`a’. Once I got home, I found an email in my inbox announcing Bayyinah Access starting a few minutes away from my home. A few weeks after I started taking it at the AlHuda Canada campus, the TQE6 flyer was put up and I finally, after 8 years of procrastinating, joined Taleem ul-Quran full-time. Such amazing experiences, al-hamdulillah…

        I just wanted to recommend two edits: “it’s the zakaah or learning ilm” to “it’s the zakaah of learning ilm”, and the example in this comment is from Surah Ali `Imran rather than Al-Baqarah.

        Jazakillahu khayran for sharing with us.


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