Marriage & War?

The Romans. Sounds grand, doesn’t it? That’s how surah Ar Rum begins.

Sahih International

The Byzantines have been defeated [Ar Rum 30:2]

When you  hear ‘The Romans’, even today, you think of a great civilization with all the pomp and grandeur. It brings to mind the height of power and intellectual success humans can reach. And that brings about arrogance and pride in most cases.
Several ayaat later, Allah brings us down to walking pieces of dust.
Sahih International

And of His signs is that He created you from dust; then, suddenly you were human beings dispersing [throughout the earth]. [Ar Rum 30:20]

Then, the famous ‘wedding’ ayat comes:-
Sahih International

And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquillity in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought. [Ar Rum 30:21]

In Nouman Khan’s Quran Cover to Cover, he ties this particular ayat with the beginning of the surah; the Romans. The beginning of this surah talks about the war between the Romans and the Persians. Basically, it talks about war. Now, how is marriage connected to war?
It’s not. Well, in a way I guess it is. No, I’m not talking about war between the husband and the wife.
In this ayat, Allah talks about the union of man and woman and Allah also mentions one of the  benefits of that union ; لِتَسكُنُو = so that you may find tranquility. A husband should find peace in his wife and a wife should find peace in her husband. Nouman Khan elaborates on this:-
When you come home from a long day at work, just sitting with your wife, no words exchanged between you and your wife, it gives you peace.
It shows that a husband and wife functions as place of comfort for each other. No matter how hard or stressful of a day you just had, you should be able to return home to your spouse, sit with him/her, and not have to say anything even, and have that stress relieved. It’s your downtime. It charges you up to face the next day.
This is a blessing from Allah, that He has made mates for humans, company for each other, so that they find the peace and tranquility they need to sustain them from the daily distress and hardships. Subhanallah. As Ustadh Nouman reminds us, when we sit with our spouse and finds comfort and relief in it, remember that this is from Allah.
How does this all tie back to the Romans and war though? In a marriage where a husband finds peace in his wife and a wife finds peace and comfort in her husband, there is overall peace in that household. A household that is peaceful brings about a community and thus a society that is peaceful.
But when a household is full of strife, arguments, fights, abuse, and such, it can bring about a community thus a society that is ‘crime’ful. When crimes happens in a community, it infects the society and it can eventually turn into an epidemic called war.
So, a happy and peaceful household is pretty important, isn’t it?
[Taken from Nouman Khan’s Quran Cover to Cover from Bayyinah TV]

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