The last ten nights of Ramadan are upon us and we’re halfway through these last ten nights. I’ve always been enamored by the last ten nights from a young age, and I particularly remember the low hanging sun disc glowing soft amber in the morning sky as I strolled to school about 18 years ago.
It is my personal on going goal to improve each Ramadan, and alhamdulillah this year’s Ramadan is a completely different experience than last year’s. Guess what made that huge of a difference?
The absence of the stupid box. The mere absence of it makes such a significant difference! The mere presence of it has given me much unneeded inner stress and it has also become a source of conflict either internally or externally, but we were only able to completely get rid of it with this move to New Mexico.
Not to say it was not without any problems, though. There were problems. We were even offered a free TV, bigger and better than the one we had before we moved. Hubs told the offerer that I don’t want it. The offerer didn’t back down, but instead offered it to me personally again. Subhanallah. These things really come at you persistently, don’t they? I refused the offer. Not without resistance though. That was my first test of being posed the glaring question of
“Why don’t you want a TV?”
Sounds familiarly like,
“Why do you homeschool?” or “Why don’t you send your children to school?”
Ahhh…I never truly expected this test, seriously. I just thought that getting rid of the TV is just that. That it was more of an inner struggle for me, not so much an external test like this.
I responded and was met with a smile. It ended like that. Alhamdulillah.
I have to say that no TV upped the quality of our lifestyle rather significantly indeed, and Oh Allah, please preserve this goodness and blessing and increase us in it. Ameen!
This morning, as I read the below hadith in my inbox, something hit me hard. Last ten nights. Forgiveness. ‘Afw. Allah’s mercy. Allah’s forgiveness. It hit me hard. It truly did. Imagine a human being, someone whom you love dearly saying to you,
“Whatever you did, let’s forget about it. I forgive you. I don’t mind.”
And this ‘crime’ you did to that human being is truly heinous. Heinous, horrible indeed. Too horrible that you would hang your head in utter shame just from thinking about it. And this person comes to you with this kind of mercy. The tingle, the surge of gratitude, love. That’s what hit.
Now imagine this coming from your Creator. The One who knows you inside out. Who knows what you are thinking even before you think it. Who knows what you’re going to email even before you strike the keyboard. Who knows what blog post you are going to compose even before you click ‘New Post’. Who knows your intentions in composing such a post. Who knows you more than your parents do, and your parents were the one who changed your diapers and dealt with your tantrums and adolescence. This Creator knows you more than that.
It hit me hard. That’s what it did.
Hadith Qudsi, Allah said: O son of Adam, so long as you call upon Me and ask of Me, I shall forgive you for what you have done, and I shall not mind.
O son of Adam, were your sins to reach the clouds of the sky and were you then to ask forgiveness of Me, I would forgive you.
O son of Adam, were you to come to Me with sins nearly as great as the earth and were you then to face Me, ascribing no partner to Me, I would bring you forgiveness nearly as great at it.
– Saheeh. Related by at-Tirmidhi.