Sahih International: O you who have believed, avoid much [negative] assumption. Indeed, some assumption is sin. And do not spy or backbite each other. Would one of you like to eat the flesh of his brother when dead? You would detest it. And fear Allah ; indeed, Allah is Accepting of repentance and Merciful. [Surah Al Hujuraat, 49:12]
Ahhh…the wagging tongue. So much destruction from one simple organ in our bodies. A hurtful word said to the face, a hurtful word said behind one’s back. The organ that utters much good can also wag itself to destruction of the whole body. May Allah protect us from the dangers of the tongue. So detested is the act of backbiting and slander that it is equated to eating the flesh of a cadaver. A horrifying scene indeed.
11: Sahih International: O you who have believed, let not a people ridicule [another] people; perhaps they may be better than them; nor let women ridicule [other] women; perhaps they may be better than them. And do not insult one another and do not call each other by [offensive] nicknames. Wretched is the name of disobedience after [one's] faith. And whoever does not repent – then it is those who are the wrongdoers. [Surah Al Hujuraat, 49:11]
Surah Al Hujuraat is the 49th surah in the Quran. It talks a lot about manners and behaviours we should embody when we deal with other people. In this verse, ridiculing is attributed to women. Why women?
It’s a well known fact that females are generally better endowed with verbal abilities than men. Mars vs Venus. Venus definitely wins the verbal debate! A baby girl learns to talk much quicker than a baby boy. Husband and wife arguing; wife wins the argument. Gossiping; a favorite pastime of women. Desperate Housewives. You see it. Girls yakking on the phone with each other. High school. We know it. Admit it. Women are definitely the masters of the wagging tongue.
Unfortunately, we have come to view gossiping as something harmless, to the point that one would actually invite another to gossip about someone by the casual invitation of,
“Hey, let’s get down to some gossiping!”
Ok, maybe that’s not how it’s done, but I don’t do Malay to English translation much justice, so please forgive me. And alhamdulillah, so far, I’ve never heard or personally experienced an invitation to gossip in English. Allahu Akbar!
It can get downright tricky to avoid oneself from getting involved in a good juicy gossip, even if one is just a silent participant. For one, one battles with the hows of telling the person that gossiping is bad, especially if one is sitting with someone older, or respected. It’s easier to tell a friend,
“I don’t think we should do this,”
than to tell an aunt or relative the same thing. It sure takes a lot of wisdom and tact to wrestle oneself out of the situation or stop it altogether. I’ve heard many suggestions regarding the matter, some of which are,
- Change the topic
- Excuse yourself from the room and come back when they are no longer indulged in gossip
- Directly tell them it’s wrong (takes a lot of guts and taqwa to do this)
- Leave them, saying you won’t sit with them as long as they gossip, and join them again when they stop, thereby showing them that you are still friends with them (this probably works best with your close buddies who really love you)
It’s really sad and unfortunate that making fun of people is treated as a harmless thing. How many of us make fun of other people? Someone’s accent, someone’s gait, someone’s gestures, someone’s mental capabilities, someone’s physical features. And the list goes on. All these can be the subject of ridicule, whether right in the face, thinking that it’s just some harmless fun and that the object of the ridicule shouldn’t take it to heart because
“We’re just joking!”
or behind someone’s back, in a fit of titters and giggles. Especially when we despise someone, the ridicule that results can get very ugly. Very ugly indeed. This form of pride is the satanic pride, as exhibited by Iblis when he declared,
“I am better than him, because I am created from Fire and he was created from clay.”
Even a wink, or the raising of an eyebrow counts as do the rolling of the eyes. The culture of late night shows is rampant with ridicule, and we call it free speech? Stand up comedies. Always filled with ridicules created to elicit rounds of laughter from the audience. The louder the better.
Sahih International: Woe to every scorner and mocker [Surah Al Humazah; 104:1]
Iman, mockery, derision, and malice do not sit well together, so it is eventually up to us to decide what we want to let live in our hearts. The light of faith, or the ominous tentacles of malice, ill feelings and mockery. It’s our choice. It has always been our choice. We are beings with free will and is what makes us better than even the angels when we enter Jannah. Angels are created to do good, they don’t have desire to do bad, but humans have to fight their own nafs(self) to continue to do good and avoid bad, thus they are higher in status than even the angels when they successfully enter Paradise. Allahu Akbar!
Sahih International: O you who have believed, avoid much [negative] assumption. Indeed, some assumption is sin. And do not spy or backbite each other. Would one of you like to eat the flesh of his brother when dead? You would detest it. And fear Allah ; indeed, Allah is Accepting of repentance and Merciful. [Surah Al Hujuraat, 49:12]
The verse has three commands that are in a specific order:
- Avoid negative assumptions
- Do not spy
- Do not backbite
Naturally, these three come one after the other. Let’s say you walk into a room and you sense that two of your friends are talking and snickering about you. Immediately you form a negative assumption that they are indeed talking about you. Indignant, you set out to confirm your suspicions, and begin to eavesdrop on their conversations, maybe read their letters or emails, ask around. This is the spying in effect. Of course, shaytaan doesn’t fail to incite your anger and suspicions by compelling your mind and thoughts to affirm these suspicions at the end of which you decide to get back at them. And here is where you are brought to your ruins; you backbite them back with other people, persuading people to see their bad side so you feel ‘retributed’.
This is also a danger of whispering to one another when there are more than two people in a room, and Islam prohibits this. Subhanallah, see how the The Majestic is so just, that not only is one prohibited from assuming negative assumptions, but the other side is also prohibited from doing something that may lead to negative assumptions. Allahu Akbar!
As mentioned above, even a gesture can be categorized as mockery, as apparent here:
The Prophet (Salla Allahu ‘Alayhee wa Sallam) was looking into marrying Safiyyah (Radhi Allahu ‘Anhum). Aisha (Radhi Allahu ‘Anhum) saw her yet out of natural jealousy really didn’t want the Prophet to marry her. So the Prophet asked Aisha about her and Aisha said she was nice and everything was good about her, but then Aisha made a gesture with her hand to show that Safiyyah was short. In response to this the Prophet said just this gesture; if she were to put it into an ocean it would stain the whole ocean. [Sunan Abu Dawud, 41:4857]
Of course there are situations where we are allowed to speak out against another such as :
- When judge has to pass a ruling on a criminal in court
- When oppression is happening and one has to speak out against the oppressor
- When warning people in transactions (marriage, business, etc) of people who are known to be abusers, scoundrels, cheats etc
So what are to do about our tongues? Our limbs? Well, it certainly is easier said than done, but let’s try to really consciously watch our tongue, our gestures, our spontaneous speeches, lest we end up a fellow brother/sister flesh. As for being a silent participant of gossip, do what is right, with wisdom, lest we end up watching our precious acts of charity, precious prayers that we have taken care to establish, precious extra prayers, years of fasts, both obligatory and supererogatory, and that treasured hajj being awarded to the person who is gossiped, leaving us with less good deeds and more sins. To be safe, if we have nothing good to say, let’s keep our mouths (and fingers for that matter) shut, shall we?
1 Comment
October 12, 2008 at 1:21 am
I enjoyed this reminder very much, Jazaki Allahu khairan…ameen!